Universal truth about Politicians

Universal truth about Politicians

Source_FUNNY JOKES

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.

Like many young men, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do, and he didn’t seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment.

He went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table four objects:

a Bible,
a silver dollar,
a bottle of whisky
and a Playboy magazine

‘I’ll just hide behind the door,’ the old preacher said to himself, ‘when he comes home from school this afternoon,I’ll see which object he picks up.

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Myanmar and other Political Jokes

Myanmar and other Political Jokes

Cows in Politics Explained

Some are mine but I got the original idea from here_ 

  1. Myanmar under successive military governments:  You have two cows.  The government seizes both and sells you the milk with high price. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
  2. Burma under U Nu: You have two cows. U Nu prohibited slaughtering of cows. They were sold as, “Toe Toe Thars”, by smugglers. (Toe Toe means harsh harsh, quietly, secretly. Thars means meat.)

  3. Burma under General Ne Win:  You have two cows.  Ne Win’s BSPP government seizes both and provides you with small amount of diluted milk which is a little bit spoilt.
  4. Burma under General Saw Maung’s SLORC:  You have two cows. Military government took both, promised to give back after enquiry (election) but was deposed in a coup to prevent fulfilling his promise.
  5. Myanmar under Sr General Than Shwe. You have two cows. SPDC withdraw the license to breed the cows and given one license to U Pine (ex-military association) and the remaining license goes to U Tayza.
  6. Myanmar Tatadaw in Arakan: You have two cows. Tatadaw slaughtered one to eat. Ask you to plough the army land with your remaining one cow. You are forced to pull the plough together with the remaining cow as a voluntary service.
  7. Myanmar Tatadaw in Karen State: You have two cows. Myanmar Military would negotiate, bribe one cow, named as Democratic Buddhist Cow and incite to fight your remaining cow, assassinate you or your family, raid across the fence, burn your house across the border and to destroy the Mosques.
  8. Myanmar Tatadaw in Shan State: You have two cows.  Tatmadaw would slaughter both cows, rape your village women and set your village on fire.
  9. Myanmar under General Khin Nyunt: You have two cows. Khin Nyunt’s would smile but with the sweet innocent face he would order Myanmar Military Intellgence to start a religious or racial riot against you and burn your two cows together with your house.
  10. Myanmar Chins: You have two cows. Bandage one as if wounded and put a POP on another so that they could be accepted by UNHCR to be able to export to the Western Developed countries.
  11. Myanmar Democratic secular opposition: You have two cows.  Don’t talk about racial discriminations nor equal rights. Your cows are not important they are counting their own sheeps and praying that the Burma Revolution would last forever. Then only they could continue to collect funds.
  12. A SOCIALIST:  You have two cows.  The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
  13. CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:  You have two cows.  You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
  14. BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:  You have two cows.  The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
  15. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.  You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
  16. A JAPANESE CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
  17. A CHINESE CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.
  18. AN INDIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You worship both of them.
  19. A GERMAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
  20. DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:  You have two cows.  The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
  21. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.  You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
  22. A FRENCH CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You go on strike because you want three cows.
  23. A BRITISH CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  They are mad.  They die. Pass the shepherd’s pie, please.
  24. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.
  25. A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You enter into a partnership with an American corporation.  Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
  26. AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN:  You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
  27. AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT:  You have two cows.  Your neighbor has none.  You feel guilty for being successful.  You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.  The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.