Universal truth about Politicians

Source_FUNNY JOKES

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.

Like many young men, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do, and he didn’t seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment.

He went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table four objects:

a Bible,
a silver dollar,
a bottle of whisky
and a Playboy magazine

‘I’ll just hide behind the door,’ the old preacher said to himself, ‘when he comes home from school this afternoon,I’ll see which object he picks up.

Myanmar and other Political Jokes

Cows in Politics Explained

Some are mine but I got the original idea from here_ 

1. Myanmar under successive military governments:  You have two cows.  The government seizes both and sells you the milk with high price. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
2. Burma under U Nu: You have two cows. U Nu prohibited slaughtering of cows. They were sold as, “Toe Toe Thars”, by smugglers. (Toe Toe means harsh harsh, quietly, secretly. Thars means meat.)

3. Burma under General Ne Win:  You have two cows.  Ne Win’s BSPP government seizes both and provides you with small amount of diluted milk which is a little bit spoilt.
4. Burma under General Saw Maung’s SLORC:  You have two cows. Military government took both, promised to give back after enquiry (election) but was deposed in a coup to prevent fulfilling his promise.
5. Myanmar under Sr General Than Shwe. You have two cows. SPDC withdraw the license to breed the cows and given one license to U Pine (ex-military association) and the remaining license goes to U Tayza.
6. Myanmar Tatadaw in Arakan: You have two cows. Tatadaw slaughtered one to eat. Ask you to plough the army land with your remaining one cow. You are forced to pull the plough together with the remaining cow as a voluntary service.
7. Myanmar Tatadaw in Karen State: You have two cows. Myanmar Military would negotiate, bribe one cow, named as Democratic Buddhist Cow and incite to fight your remaining cow, assassinate you or your family, raid across the fence, burn your house across the border and to destroy the Mosques.
8. Myanmar Tatadaw in Shan State: You have two cows.  Tatmadaw would slaughter both cows, rape your village women and set your village on fire.
9. Myanmar under General Khin Nyunt: You have two cows. Khin Nyunt’s would smile but with the sweet innocent face he would order Myanmar Military Intellgence to start a religious or racial riot against you and burn your two cows together with your house.
10. Myanmar Chins: You have two cows. Bandage one as if wounded and put a POP on another so that they could be accepted by UNHCR to be able to export to the Western Developed countries.
11. Myanmar Democratic secular opposition: You have two cows.  Don’t talk about racial discriminations nor equal rights. Your cows are not important they are counting their own sheeps and praying that the Burma Revolution would last forever. Then only they could continue to collect funds.
12. A SOCIALIST:  You have two cows.  The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
13. CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:  You have two cows.  You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
14. BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:  You have two cows.  The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
15. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.  You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
16. A JAPANESE CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
17. A CHINESE CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.
18. AN INDIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You worship both of them.
19. A GERMAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
20. DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:  You have two cows.  The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
21. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.  You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
22. A FRENCH CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You go on strike because you want three cows.
23. A BRITISH CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  They are mad.  They die. Pass the shepherd’s pie, please.
24. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.
25. A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You enter into a partnership with an American corporation.  Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
26. AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN:  You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
27. AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT:  You have two cows.  Your neighbor has none.  You feel guilty for being successful.  You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.  The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

Myanmar Referendum jokes

I have edited and adapted to the Myanmar context from the original article in the Malaysiakini.  I hope that  the Malaysiakini  could understand and forgive for this. They should even be proud that they could contribute a very good letter for the fellow Myanmar/Burmese citizens.

 

(1) Myanmar Tatmadaw has announced that its new national symbol is the Condom, because it accurately reflects the government stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks and gives us a sense of security while we’re actually being screwed!

 

(2) Senior General Than Shwe and General Maung Aye were in a helicopter looking down Yangon. Than Shwe said, ” Maung Aye, if I throw two 1000 Kyat notes down, two people will be happy.”

Not wanting to be outdone, Maung Aye said, “If I throw 200 of 10 Kyat notes, 200 people will be happy.”

The pilot heard the conversation and said, “If I throw the two of you down, 50 million Myanmars will be happy.”

 

(3) Three guys were arguing as to what race Adam and Eve were. The Myanmar Christian guy said they must be Myanmar Christians as they are so good looking. The Burmese Chinese guy said that they must be Burmese Chinese as they are so calm even with a snake.

The Burmese Indian guy said that they must be Burmese -Indian as they have no shelter, no clothes, no money, share one apple, advised by a snake who told them that they are living in paradise!

 

(4) Senior General Than Shwe, General Maung Aye, Htet Htet Moe Oo and General Khin Nyunt were sitting in a Myanmar Railway train heading up to Southern Shan State for campaigning. Near Kalaw, the train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark.

Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!

The train comes out of the tunnel. Htet Htet Moe Oo and Senior General Than Shwe are sitting there looking perplexed.

General Maung Aye is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap.

All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Senior General Than Shwe is thinking: “These guys are all crazy after Htet Htet Moe Oo. General Maung Aye must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.”

Htet Htet Moe Oo is thinking: “General Maung Aye must have moved to kiss me, but kissed Senior General Than Shwe instead and got slapped.”

General Maung Aye is thinking: “Damn it, Senior General Than Shwe must have tried to kiss Htet Htet Moe Oo, she thought it was me and slapped me instead.”

General Khin Nyunt is thinking: “If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap General Maung Aye again.”

 

(5) Kyant Phut wins the election. To celebrate, they decide to send some space Hitchhiker to space on the Chinese Rocket. Senior General Than Shwe calls together a group of Kyant Phuts.

Comrades, we are going to send our man to space using Chinese Space craft. Since we want to be different from others, the Military -Kyant Phut Cabinet has decided that you will all now fly to the sun.

But Min Tayar Gyi, we all will be burnt to crisp.

Don’t afraid, the Myanmar Military and Kyant Phut government has thought of everything … you will fly at night!

Hitchhiking (also known as lifting, thumbing, hitching, autostop or thumbing up a ride) is a means of transportation that is gained by asking people (usually strangers) for a ride in their automobile to travel a distance that may either be a short or long distance. The latter may require many rides from different people.

 

(6) Myanmar Referendum brings to mind the old Northern Ireland election slogan –  “VOTE EARLY AND VOTE OFTEN”

 

(7) A very famous Chief priest of a church in Naypyidaw, Myanmar is dying. Before he dies, he asked for Than Shwe and Maung Aye to be beside his deathbed. Both of them were excited at this opportunity because they thought it would be good for their image with the Christians around the world.

At the priest’s deathbed, they asked, “Father, why did you ask us to be with you on your deathbed?”

The priest replied, “Because I wanted to die like Jesus Christ. He died between two thieves, and I wanted to do the same.”

Post Script:

You can read this article in a ( Christian Christian Bible Study) Christian web site calling my blog as a bastard blog.

I hope and believe that the owner and editors are not true Christians.

Even if you are true Christians I do not wish to comment nor call back names but I have to review my deep respect on Christians  which stays deep in my heart for a long time.

May be I need to give my remaining cheek for you to slap without any reason, as Jesus Christ had advised. At least, I hope, Insha Allah, some of the Christians’ hatred on Muslims may be reduced.

Then I could also prove that some of the Muslims’ moral standard are much higher than those Christians (NOT ALL CHRISTIANS as almost all the other Christians I met are kind hearted and polite.)

But I wonder the effectiveness of their Bible Study with this kind of rude and insolent use of words.